My mother-in-law watches Mini SD every Tuesday. She does WAY more than she needs to for us while she is there. She cleans, does the Misters laundry (I pulled the plug on her touching mine early on when she told me that she and Mini were "wondering where Mommy wears all of these sexy little panties." Ew. Gross.) she even cooks dinner for us every Tuesday night. Of course since my kitchen isn't equipped with most basic kitchen essentials, she brings everything with her. The food, crockpot, pans, everything. I swear, she is like a goddamn Sherpa coming in here every week. But Mini adores her and genuinely has the best time on Tuesdays. I give you all of this background so you understand that while I love her, and the many ways she takes care of us, some days she can drive me up a wall like nothing else. And make me pour a drink before I even take my coat off. Like last night.
For example, within the first 10 minutes of arriving home, after a whammy of a day at work, this shit happened:
MIL: "Hey Sparkle? You should keep an eye on Mini's cough. It sounds pretty bad. Remember that time you didn't and it turned out that she had pneumonia? You don't want that to happen again!"
Sparkle: "Hey, Grandma? I GOT THIS. Okay?"
(not awkward at all, right?)
The fuck!? Yes, it's true that a few months ago the Doc thought she has pneumonia like symptoms, but I also was up most nights for a week before then trying everything to help Mini and every kids in her class had the same cough. Kids are dirty little pietri dishes of germs. However, at the first sign of genuine awfulness, I cancelled my day and dealt, took Mini to the Doctor and got her all fixed up. So this kind of comment makes me think she must believe that as soon as she leaves I am parking Mini in front of Spongebob for hours and playing online poker with a pint of vodka in my hand.
The week before she left us a photocopy of an article from one of her Jesus books (did I mention she's an extreme churchlady?!) that explained the evils of watching television. In the margin she had written that "the more time you spend watching tv, the less time you spend with the Lord." Seriously, you guys, I am not even making this up. Someday when I write a book about my recovery from a minor drinking problem, I will thank her in the acknowledgements, because she had driven me to it.
Needless to say, I am very grateful for Grandma but am more grateful that I have an entire week before I have to deal with her shit again.
On a positive note, Mini asked me twice to replay "Extralovable" by Prince this morning on the way to school. I am only slightly concerned that she may start learning the lyrics. Until then, it cracks me up to watch her boogie in her car seat and try to mouth all the words. She really IS my girl!
Drink up, Sparklers,
SD
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