Hurricane Sandy, that is. It may or may not be a heap of nothing, but either way, I'm prepared with all of the essentials. Well, all of MY essentials.
And school is cancelled tomorrow! Just one more reason why working at a school is my jam.
" Tell me about it. Stud."
SD
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Girl Crushing
I don't even need to say much because this clip of Tina Fey at an event last night for the Center for Reproductive Rights discussing the recent trend of privileged, political white men defining what "rape" is, is genius all on it's own and only reaffirms my belief that Tina and I would be great friends if we ever had the chance to share a bottle of Cab Sav someday.
(But seriously, how badly do I wish I could do some serious mean-girl ninja shit to these assholes who are trying to box in reproductive rights like it was 1965? And believe me, I KNOW some major mean girl ninja shit and my palm is getting twitchy as the election gets closer!!)
SD
(But seriously, how badly do I wish I could do some serious mean-girl ninja shit to these assholes who are trying to box in reproductive rights like it was 1965? And believe me, I KNOW some major mean girl ninja shit and my palm is getting twitchy as the election gets closer!!)
SD
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
THIS BITCH.
While most people know my deep love for all things that sparkle, not all of my peeps know that I am also a little bit of a political nerd. In truth-it's only when it comes to presidential elections, but every election year, I find myself going to the political blogs as much as, if not more, than my usual gossip ones. So you know something major has gone down in the political arena when even Perez Hilton is talking about it. So in case you were having a good day, let me ruin your mood with this little gem, tweeted by that misogynistic ass-hat toothpick, Ann Coulter :
I CAN'T EVEN WITH THIS BITCH. Seriously, I know she does shit like this for attention, but give me a fucking break. He is the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. And do you know what she said, when asked for a response by the political blog, politicker.com? “The only people who will be offended are too retarded to understand it”. Such a cunt. She honestly doesn't care who she is offending, as long as people are talking about it.
Do you know that she actually said, in public and in print, that the U.S. would be better off if women didn't have the right to vote? For real:
"If we took away women's right to vote, we'd never have to worry about another Democrat president. It's kind of a pipe dream, it's a personal fantasy of mine, but I don't think it's going to happen. And it is a good way of making the point that women are voting so stupidly, at least single women.
It also makes the point, it is kind of embarrassing, the Democratic Party ought to be hanging its head in shame, that it has so much difficulty getting men to vote for it. I mean, you do see it's the party of women and 'We'll pay for health care and tuition and day care—and here, what else can we give you, soccer moms?" --New York Observer, October 2007
This bitch just needs to SIT DOWN. It's bad enough that the current Republican ticket is hoping to put all kinds of rules, restrictions, and red tape on women's issues, especially on our vagina's. But then this cunt is rooting them on, and mocking her own gender to get a sound bite on Fox News? Fuck her and these men who think they should have a right to tell me what I can and can't do with my body or whom my rainbow friends can marry. I'm not saying that our President is perfect, but at least I know he won't endanger my rights or those of my daughter.
THIS BITCH. I just can't even with this bitch.
Tell 'em, B.
SD
I CAN'T EVEN WITH THIS BITCH. Seriously, I know she does shit like this for attention, but give me a fucking break. He is the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. And do you know what she said, when asked for a response by the political blog, politicker.com? “The only people who will be offended are too retarded to understand it”. Such a cunt. She honestly doesn't care who she is offending, as long as people are talking about it.
Do you know that she actually said, in public and in print, that the U.S. would be better off if women didn't have the right to vote? For real:
"If we took away women's right to vote, we'd never have to worry about another Democrat president. It's kind of a pipe dream, it's a personal fantasy of mine, but I don't think it's going to happen. And it is a good way of making the point that women are voting so stupidly, at least single women.
It also makes the point, it is kind of embarrassing, the Democratic Party ought to be hanging its head in shame, that it has so much difficulty getting men to vote for it. I mean, you do see it's the party of women and 'We'll pay for health care and tuition and day care—and here, what else can we give you, soccer moms?" --New York Observer, October 2007
This bitch just needs to SIT DOWN. It's bad enough that the current Republican ticket is hoping to put all kinds of rules, restrictions, and red tape on women's issues, especially on our vagina's. But then this cunt is rooting them on, and mocking her own gender to get a sound bite on Fox News? Fuck her and these men who think they should have a right to tell me what I can and can't do with my body or whom my rainbow friends can marry. I'm not saying that our President is perfect, but at least I know he won't endanger my rights or those of my daughter.
THIS BITCH. I just can't even with this bitch.
Tell 'em, B.
SD
Monday, October 22, 2012
Musical Inspector Gadget
I have a confession to make. I really, really like Taylor Swift. Well, actually, I really, really like her music. Sometimes I find her personality and crazy hair whipping moves to be too reminiscent of that annoying drama/angst girl from high school that we all knew that I can't take it, but I think her lyrics are really smart and clever. And I am a complete sucker for good lyrics. Most of my friends know that I usually have music playing in the background whenever possible and my closest friends know that I also usually have some song (or two or three) that serve as my "theme song" for periods of my life. Seriously-even in a boring week, I will have at least one song that serves as my personal soundtrack for a while until I find a new one. So weird, right? It's fine, I know it's weird, but I have been this way for as long as I can remember. Even when it was just me and my Smurfette record player, I had songs that I thought of as "mine". Thank God my mom and I didn't realize what Cyndi Lauper's "She-Bop" was actually about in 1984 because that one had staying power for a few months! As did "Cool Rider" from Grease 2. Don't even try to judge about that one because that song was AWESOME and the dance routine I made up to go along with it was even more fierce. For a 6 year old.
One thing I can appreciate about Taylor is that she just sings shit about her exes without giving a damn. And I (being the gossip slut that I am) always try to figure out who she is talking about based on her lyrics. Because seriously-how awesome would it be to sell a million records about some prick who hurt your feelings like she does? In truth, I'm pretty lucky because I haven't usually been on the recieving end of a sad heart and would feel pretty sheepish if someone had a hit record about what a cold-hearted bitch I was to them, but as a voyeur? Love it. Her new album, Red, was just released and of course I want to be a musical Inspector Gadget on the case, because she sounds really pissed this time around. If I had to guess, I would say that Jake Gyllenhaal won't be on Taylor's Christmas card list, but I think she's also dated some randos since the last album so who knows?
Anyway, another thing I love is discovering new-to-me songs. This is a song that has been out for a while, but I didn't know it existed until somehow I stumble upon it (Thank you, Spotify!) and can't believe I've survived without it. I've mentioned my love of new music Tuesdays on iTunes before, but lately, nothing has been getting me excited that is "new". But thanks to Spotify, I've been hooked on a lovely, slow Regina Spektor song that came out ages ago and have a new addiction to Joshua Radin. (I'm also a sucker for singer/songwriters). Expressing my own emotions in a normal way through verbal communications is totally uncomfortable and out of my box, but I could make a playlist for you and you would GET. IT. (sounds very reminicent of Mary Catherine Gallagher, right? Classic Molly Shannon SNL character? "My emotions would best be expressed with a monologue from the classic made-for-tv movie, "Not Without My Daughter.")
For this reason, every time I see that commercial for the new cell phone (don't ask me what kind, because I don't remember. It's the commercial where they make fun of people standing in line for iPhones) where people touch phones and trade playlists, I am tempted to get it. I would be the sluttiest phone bumper, playlist sharer that there ever was. I would totally try to rub my phone up against strangers phones to get their tunes. It would be so awkward. But I would do it for the joyful surprise of new music. Yes, I would.
Awwwwkwaaard,
SD
PS-Hey, Slizzard! I can already hear you saying, "Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you?!" as I type this post, but I know you are laughing your ass off because it's all true....
One thing I can appreciate about Taylor is that she just sings shit about her exes without giving a damn. And I (being the gossip slut that I am) always try to figure out who she is talking about based on her lyrics. Because seriously-how awesome would it be to sell a million records about some prick who hurt your feelings like she does? In truth, I'm pretty lucky because I haven't usually been on the recieving end of a sad heart and would feel pretty sheepish if someone had a hit record about what a cold-hearted bitch I was to them, but as a voyeur? Love it. Her new album, Red, was just released and of course I want to be a musical Inspector Gadget on the case, because she sounds really pissed this time around. If I had to guess, I would say that Jake Gyllenhaal won't be on Taylor's Christmas card list, but I think she's also dated some randos since the last album so who knows?
Anyway, another thing I love is discovering new-to-me songs. This is a song that has been out for a while, but I didn't know it existed until somehow I stumble upon it (Thank you, Spotify!) and can't believe I've survived without it. I've mentioned my love of new music Tuesdays on iTunes before, but lately, nothing has been getting me excited that is "new". But thanks to Spotify, I've been hooked on a lovely, slow Regina Spektor song that came out ages ago and have a new addiction to Joshua Radin. (I'm also a sucker for singer/songwriters). Expressing my own emotions in a normal way through verbal communications is totally uncomfortable and out of my box, but I could make a playlist for you and you would GET. IT. (sounds very reminicent of Mary Catherine Gallagher, right? Classic Molly Shannon SNL character? "My emotions would best be expressed with a monologue from the classic made-for-tv movie, "Not Without My Daughter.")
For this reason, every time I see that commercial for the new cell phone (don't ask me what kind, because I don't remember. It's the commercial where they make fun of people standing in line for iPhones) where people touch phones and trade playlists, I am tempted to get it. I would be the sluttiest phone bumper, playlist sharer that there ever was. I would totally try to rub my phone up against strangers phones to get their tunes. It would be so awkward. But I would do it for the joyful surprise of new music. Yes, I would.
Awwwwkwaaard,
SD
PS-Hey, Slizzard! I can already hear you saying, "Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you?!" as I type this post, but I know you are laughing your ass off because it's all true....
Friday, October 19, 2012
Notes about my Mini
In the midst of all of the "dead dog, turning old, idiot asswipe brother*" drama of late, some other shiz has gone down, only this time it involved my Mini SD and it took a while to get to a jokey place about it. However, after a convo with my main girl Slizzard, I am able to laugh at it for real today (as opposed to laughing so I don't freak the fuck out). So obviously, I can share.
The long and short of it is that my Mini is three and a half. She is fortunate enough to go to an amazing day care/pre-school (we'll call it "Mini School" for now) that she has attended since she was four months old. The women there are AMAZING and love each kid for reals and they have each played a part in helping my Mini because the awesome little diva she is. So when a month ago her current teacher pulled me aside and told me she had concerns about Mini, needless to say I paid attention and freaked the fuck out. Something happened that the teacher thought was a "red flag" for possible cognitive delays or differences. Something that had me seeing far into her future: a pretty girl with low self esteem because she had these "cognitive delays" giving random handies to asshole lacrosse players and drinking vodka from a plastic bottle before school because she didn't value her own worth. "Whoa", you must be saying to yourself. What could have possibly happened to have me in tears in my office, imagining these terrible, awful things for my most precious, favorite person in the whole world?!!
She couldn't trace the letter 'A'. Correction-she WOULDN'T trace the letter 'A'.
Seriously you guys. THAT is the honest to god, swear on my dead dog, truth. The teacher asked all of the kids to trace the dotted lines to make an 'A', and they all did it and she didn't want to and started crying and suddenly my girl is a Lifetime Movie waiting to happen in 10 years (according to me.)


Seriously-WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME? Now in fairness, the teacher said that she's usually so happy, and it was a concern to see her cry because she loves school, blah blah blah. But because of that and the fact that sometimes she is a little hard to understand when she says certain words like "actually" or "pretty please" we contacted a place that evaluates kids for everything from hearing disorders to autism. Who literally formed an ARMY to meet with me and Mister, and two teachers from Mini School. And after filling out more paperwork than I did to actually HAVE a child, we all met and went around in a circle saying things like "does she talk to the baby when she plays pretend?" for an hour an a half. And guess what?! The Occupational Therapist was the last to grill us (she's the one who cares about things like tracing the letter 'A') and after looking at other more recent samples of things that Mini has traced (squiggly worm lines! a circle! HER NAME!!) the lady said the following "Can we please remember that Mini is THREE YEARS OLD?" (if it had been appropriate, I may have humped this woman's leg, that's how much her comment pleased me)
Seriously. Mini is three and this woman basically said that it's great that other kids were tracing every 'A' they saw on the god damned paper, but the fact that she didn't but did tons of other tracing type things, just probably meant she didn't feel like tracing a fucking 'A' that day.
The happy ending to this story, and the reason why I can now joke about it, is that in all reality, she is fine. Still my sparkly little, awesome Mini who sings at the top of her lungs and dances like a fool. Who traces all sorts of letters and shapes on a regular basis now. She does go to school five days a week now, which meant a sad farewell to my Tuesday and Thursday nights of relative freedom, but she is rocking it at Mini School.
They are going to test her for language skills, because the biggest shocker of all is that she is apparently incredibly shy at school. The loud-mouth, bossy little B that she is at home? None of that at school. And the Speech Therapist (who looks and acts like a clown school drop out) just wants to make sure everything is A-Ok in that department. But even the teachers have started saying that since she's full time at Mini School now, she's starting to come out of her shell. Honestly, I didn't think it was possible for my child to have a quiet or shy bone in her little body, but apparently she takes after Mister in that department while at school.
In a months time, I've gone from worrying about my daughter's future episode of "15 and Pregnant" to now realizing that she's just destined to be the reserved, classy girl in school. Not the loud, obnoxious, show-off disaster I was. PRAISE JESUS!!!
And on that note, I am heading off into my weekend a happy, soon to be tipsy, lady. Oh, and how do I know that Mini is still WAY more my child than Misters? This morning, listening to "Walk this Way" by Aerosmith (one of my favorite raunchy classic rock tunes!) Mini actually said to me, "Mommy, I like that song. Play it again!" and then proceeded to sing along with the chorus at top volume after asking me to roll down the windows. (Which I didn't do, obvi, since I work at a fancy school and some bitches might judge a mom for that...) But she does hit the high notes like a champ!
Happy Friday, Sparklers! Tip some for your girl this weekend, cause Lawd knows, I will!
SD
*I can't EVEN start with my idiot, asswipe brother right now, but just know he's been an idiot asswipe causing stress for the past two months.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Wee Bits of Happy
Clearly I didn't get back to my "happy post" as quickly as I'd hoped to. As with many things recently, I have higher ambitions than energy to complete them. BUT. A few things are making me smile this past week....
1-I got a freaking B+ in my first grad school class. My first class ended last Thursday and I actually got a B+ in it!!! This is the class that I thought for sure I was destined to fail because the amount of math and scary equations in it made me truly fearful. And the few friends I made in class told me this was the hardest class they had taken in the program so far. (Big F U to my advisor who recommended I take this course to start out with!) These are people who only had one or two classes left. Needless to say, I was not feeling hopeful about doing anything other than passing. So a B+ is like an A+++ in my opinion. When I saw my final grade, I was all:
(Of course my next class starts tomorrow night, so the pressure is back on again!)
2-American Horror Story comes back tonight. I know only a few of my friends who are on board with this show, but I f-ing LOVE it, and with it being set in a crazy, religious insane asylum this time around, it is bound to be even creepier, spookier, and nightmare inducing than last season and for that I am PSYCHED. Plus? ADAM LEVINE. The only reason I watch "The Voice" (besides to see X-tina's crazy dayshift stripper ensembles) is going to be on this awesome show. Having sex. How can you say no? (Seriously-you can't. Don't even try to resist the sexy.)
3-Red wine. As sad as I am to retire my favorite summer sundresses and strappy sandals, the fall brings out my beloved sweater dresses, tall boots, and more importantly RED WINE. And lately, with the amount of stress and BLAH that I've been feeling, a small (HUGE) glass (or 3) of the delightful red deliciousness makes a girl feel happy and sparkly again. SOME people (judgy bitches) might call that feeling the beginnings of an alcohol problem. Other people (my sparklers) GET IT and to them I say:
Tip It! TIP. IT.
SD
1-I got a freaking B+ in my first grad school class. My first class ended last Thursday and I actually got a B+ in it!!! This is the class that I thought for sure I was destined to fail because the amount of math and scary equations in it made me truly fearful. And the few friends I made in class told me this was the hardest class they had taken in the program so far. (Big F U to my advisor who recommended I take this course to start out with!) These are people who only had one or two classes left. Needless to say, I was not feeling hopeful about doing anything other than passing. So a B+ is like an A+++ in my opinion. When I saw my final grade, I was all:
(Of course my next class starts tomorrow night, so the pressure is back on again!)
2-American Horror Story comes back tonight. I know only a few of my friends who are on board with this show, but I f-ing LOVE it, and with it being set in a crazy, religious insane asylum this time around, it is bound to be even creepier, spookier, and nightmare inducing than last season and for that I am PSYCHED. Plus? ADAM LEVINE. The only reason I watch "The Voice" (besides to see X-tina's crazy dayshift stripper ensembles) is going to be on this awesome show. Having sex. How can you say no? (Seriously-you can't. Don't even try to resist the sexy.)
3-Red wine. As sad as I am to retire my favorite summer sundresses and strappy sandals, the fall brings out my beloved sweater dresses, tall boots, and more importantly RED WINE. And lately, with the amount of stress and BLAH that I've been feeling, a small (HUGE) glass (or 3) of the delightful red deliciousness makes a girl feel happy and sparkly again. SOME people (judgy bitches) might call that feeling the beginnings of an alcohol problem. Other people (my sparklers) GET IT and to them I say:
Tip It! TIP. IT.
SD
Friday, October 5, 2012
Where To Start?
Holy hell, sparklers. It has been a MONTH! (Technically-it's been way longer than that, but saying "It has been SIX WEEKS" doesn't sound quite as snappy). Has it really been since the end of August? Jesus, where does time go?
Anyway-I don't even know where to begin with all of the shiz that's been bringing your girl down. Not really "down" like I have the saddies all day, every day, but just "down" like I feel like I am so overwhelmed that my sparkle might have started to tarnish. (Not really-don't even THINK such a thing!) So I work at a school, which has been a whirlwind since starting on August 28. Plus I started my grad school classes the week before that, which have been kicking my ass on a weekly basis, making me feel completely intellectually inept and like the dumbest girl ever. SO. MUCH. MATH. Math is my kryptonite, my Achilles heel, the thing that causes immediate sweating (and not in a good, "Magic Mike dancing to the pony song" or Adam Levine shirtless way.) It makes me sweat in an actual, fearful way because I have no idea what the fuck a liquidity ratio is, let alone how to figure it out on a financial report. The good news is that I got an A- on my solo mid-term project (with a lot of help from our Director of Finance!!) and my last class is next week. The bad news is that my last class is next Thursday and I have to start all over again the following Thursday. And my school is in a GORGEOUS area of the city, on the water and directly across the Four Seasons. And every Thursday night from 6-9, I am heading into an air-conditioned, windowless classroom while people are strolling along the waterfront and heading into the swank bars right there. SO. NOT. SPARKLY. I just keep telling myself that it will be worth it, whenever the hell I can finish. Seriously, it's too depressing to think about how long I am going to be doing this. On a related note-I am now completely obsessed with getting a MacBook Air for my academic endeavors. All the cool kids in my class have them (truth-there ARE no cool kids in there!) but I think they are sexy and people seem to be able to look like they are paying attention and still g-chat and surf the web at lightening speed. So obviously I feel as though this piece of equipment is essential to my academic success.
Other breaking news is that I turned 35 and feel really freaking old now. I know I am not actually really old, but 35 just seems like an age where I should be more mature and have my shit together way more than I actually do. I made a list of "Things a 30-year old should not do anymore" when I turned 30 and for the most part, I've stuck to them. Like, I don't think (at least I don't remember) I've danced on top of a bar since turning 30. I haven't dressed like a total whore when going out with friends, and have tried to eat better and take better care of my body than I did in my 20's. Of course, I still drink like a professional alcoholic, but baby steps, right?
But 35 seems like the age where shit gets REAL. Like if Mister and I want to have another baby (which may be in the cards or not), I don't have a lot of time to figure that out. With Mini SD, I was all like "Oh, I don't want to be pregnant in the summer because there are lots of fun parties, and I don't want to be knocked up for New Years, etc..." But now, I feel like fucking Ally McBeal with an invisible dancing baby chasing me around, reminding me that time is a-ticking and I had better make up my mind if I want to give Mini a sibling to boss around or not.
It didn't help that my beloved, stinky, fluffy mutt Tootsie died five days before my birthday. I got her when I was young, newly single and acting all sorts of crazy in Atlanta. She was like a symbol of my youth, as much as my python pants, or backless belly shirts were. And she just suddenly got sick and Poof! we had to put her down. It was awful and caused ugly crying like the Mister had never seen. IN PUBLIC. And my people know how much I despise crying in front of others.
Needless to say, 35 has pretty much sucked ass so far. The past month has made me curse my bestie Slizzard for moving 400 god damned miles away because at times like these, you need your bestie.
God, I sound so dreadfully depressing. Which I don't feel right now, but I wanted my sparkly friends who continue to check this wee little blog to know why I was MIA for so long. And on that note, let's end this post and start a new, happy one, shall we?
Stupid Crybaby,
SD
Anyway-I don't even know where to begin with all of the shiz that's been bringing your girl down. Not really "down" like I have the saddies all day, every day, but just "down" like I feel like I am so overwhelmed that my sparkle might have started to tarnish. (Not really-don't even THINK such a thing!) So I work at a school, which has been a whirlwind since starting on August 28. Plus I started my grad school classes the week before that, which have been kicking my ass on a weekly basis, making me feel completely intellectually inept and like the dumbest girl ever. SO. MUCH. MATH. Math is my kryptonite, my Achilles heel, the thing that causes immediate sweating (and not in a good, "Magic Mike dancing to the pony song" or Adam Levine shirtless way.) It makes me sweat in an actual, fearful way because I have no idea what the fuck a liquidity ratio is, let alone how to figure it out on a financial report. The good news is that I got an A- on my solo mid-term project (with a lot of help from our Director of Finance!!) and my last class is next week. The bad news is that my last class is next Thursday and I have to start all over again the following Thursday. And my school is in a GORGEOUS area of the city, on the water and directly across the Four Seasons. And every Thursday night from 6-9, I am heading into an air-conditioned, windowless classroom while people are strolling along the waterfront and heading into the swank bars right there. SO. NOT. SPARKLY. I just keep telling myself that it will be worth it, whenever the hell I can finish. Seriously, it's too depressing to think about how long I am going to be doing this. On a related note-I am now completely obsessed with getting a MacBook Air for my academic endeavors. All the cool kids in my class have them (truth-there ARE no cool kids in there!) but I think they are sexy and people seem to be able to look like they are paying attention and still g-chat and surf the web at lightening speed. So obviously I feel as though this piece of equipment is essential to my academic success.
Other breaking news is that I turned 35 and feel really freaking old now. I know I am not actually really old, but 35 just seems like an age where I should be more mature and have my shit together way more than I actually do. I made a list of "Things a 30-year old should not do anymore" when I turned 30 and for the most part, I've stuck to them. Like, I don't think (at least I don't remember) I've danced on top of a bar since turning 30. I haven't dressed like a total whore when going out with friends, and have tried to eat better and take better care of my body than I did in my 20's. Of course, I still drink like a professional alcoholic, but baby steps, right?
But 35 seems like the age where shit gets REAL. Like if Mister and I want to have another baby (which may be in the cards or not), I don't have a lot of time to figure that out. With Mini SD, I was all like "Oh, I don't want to be pregnant in the summer because there are lots of fun parties, and I don't want to be knocked up for New Years, etc..." But now, I feel like fucking Ally McBeal with an invisible dancing baby chasing me around, reminding me that time is a-ticking and I had better make up my mind if I want to give Mini a sibling to boss around or not.
It didn't help that my beloved, stinky, fluffy mutt Tootsie died five days before my birthday. I got her when I was young, newly single and acting all sorts of crazy in Atlanta. She was like a symbol of my youth, as much as my python pants, or backless belly shirts were. And she just suddenly got sick and Poof! we had to put her down. It was awful and caused ugly crying like the Mister had never seen. IN PUBLIC. And my people know how much I despise crying in front of others.
Needless to say, 35 has pretty much sucked ass so far. The past month has made me curse my bestie Slizzard for moving 400 god damned miles away because at times like these, you need your bestie.
God, I sound so dreadfully depressing. Which I don't feel right now, but I wanted my sparkly friends who continue to check this wee little blog to know why I was MIA for so long. And on that note, let's end this post and start a new, happy one, shall we?
Stupid Crybaby,
SD
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