In the midst of all of the "dead dog, turning old, idiot asswipe brother*" drama of late, some other shiz has gone down, only this time it involved my Mini SD and it took a while to get to a jokey place about it. However, after a convo with my main girl Slizzard, I am able to laugh at it for real today (as opposed to laughing so I don't freak the fuck out). So obviously, I can share.
The long and short of it is that my Mini is three and a half. She is fortunate enough to go to an amazing day care/pre-school (we'll call it "Mini School" for now) that she has attended since she was four months old. The women there are AMAZING and love each kid for reals and they have each played a part in helping my Mini because the awesome little diva she is. So when a month ago her current teacher pulled me aside and told me she had concerns about Mini, needless to say I paid attention and freaked the fuck out. Something happened that the teacher thought was a "red flag" for possible cognitive delays or differences. Something that had me seeing far into her future: a pretty girl with low self esteem because she had these "cognitive delays" giving random handies to asshole lacrosse players and drinking vodka from a plastic bottle before school because she didn't value her own worth. "Whoa", you must be saying to yourself. What could have possibly happened to have me in tears in my office, imagining these terrible, awful things for my most precious, favorite person in the whole world?!!
She couldn't trace the letter 'A'. Correction-she WOULDN'T trace the letter 'A'.
Seriously you guys. THAT is the honest to god, swear on my dead dog, truth. The teacher asked all of the kids to trace the dotted lines to make an 'A', and they all did it and she didn't want to and started crying and suddenly my girl is a Lifetime Movie waiting to happen in 10 years (according to me.)
Seriously-WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME? Now in fairness, the teacher said that she's usually so happy, and it was a concern to see her cry because she loves school, blah blah blah. But because of that and the fact that sometimes she is a little hard to understand when she says certain words like "actually" or "pretty please" we contacted a place that evaluates kids for everything from hearing disorders to autism. Who literally formed an ARMY to meet with me and Mister, and two teachers from Mini School. And after filling out more paperwork than I did to actually HAVE a child, we all met and went around in a circle saying things like "does she talk to the baby when she plays pretend?" for an hour an a half. And guess what?! The Occupational Therapist was the last to grill us (she's the one who cares about things like tracing the letter 'A') and after looking at other more recent samples of things that Mini has traced (squiggly worm lines! a circle! HER NAME!!) the lady said the following "Can we please remember that Mini is THREE YEARS OLD?" (if it had been appropriate, I may have humped this woman's leg, that's how much her comment pleased me)
Seriously. Mini is three and this woman basically said that it's great that other kids were tracing every 'A' they saw on the god damned paper, but the fact that she didn't but did tons of other tracing type things, just probably meant she didn't feel like tracing a fucking 'A' that day.
The happy ending to this story, and the reason why I can now joke about it, is that in all reality, she is fine. Still my sparkly little, awesome Mini who sings at the top of her lungs and dances like a fool. Who traces all sorts of letters and shapes on a regular basis now. She does go to school five days a week now, which meant a sad farewell to my Tuesday and Thursday nights of relative freedom, but she is rocking it at Mini School.
They are going to test her for language skills, because the biggest shocker of all is that she is apparently incredibly shy at school. The loud-mouth, bossy little B that she is at home? None of that at school. And the Speech Therapist (who looks and acts like a clown school drop out) just wants to make sure everything is A-Ok in that department. But even the teachers have started saying that since she's full time at Mini School now, she's starting to come out of her shell. Honestly, I didn't think it was possible for my child to have a quiet or shy bone in her little body, but apparently she takes after Mister in that department while at school.
In a months time, I've gone from worrying about my daughter's future episode of "15 and Pregnant" to now realizing that she's just destined to be the reserved, classy girl in school. Not the loud, obnoxious, show-off disaster I was. PRAISE JESUS!!!
And on that note, I am heading off into my weekend a happy, soon to be tipsy, lady. Oh, and how do I know that Mini is still WAY more my child than Misters? This morning, listening to "Walk this Way" by Aerosmith (one of my favorite raunchy classic rock tunes!) Mini actually said to me, "Mommy, I like that song. Play it again!" and then proceeded to sing along with the chorus at top volume after asking me to roll down the windows. (Which I didn't do, obvi, since I work at a fancy school and some bitches might judge a mom for that...) But she does hit the high notes like a champ!
Happy Friday, Sparklers! Tip some for your girl this weekend, cause Lawd knows, I will!
SD
*I can't EVEN start with my idiot, asswipe brother right now, but just know he's been an idiot asswipe causing stress for the past two months.
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